Portrait of Dee

I love to support my friends in their artistic endeavors. There's a girl I worked with who just quit to do photography full-time. And I recently met a boy who left his 8-5 job awhile ago also to pursue photography. I admire their bravery. I believe I've mentioned before that I didn't want to be a starving artist. It's true. But I *have* had to learn to live simply. Assistants don't make much. Especially artistic-type gals who used to have mini temper fits at work that haunt them for the rest of their non-move-uppable-careers.

I don't know about you, but I'm not always comfortable getting my picture taken. I'm larger than when I graduated high school and in my head I'm thinner than what I look like on film. But having joined a dating website and getting NO hits whatsoever, I felt I needed professional help of the photographic kind. So, I asked my former co-worker to take some photos for me. She is so nice! Really, she was great to work with. And she brought along a mutual friend who kept me laughing throughout the shoot. It's hard when you're self-conscious about how you look to others. I cried a little before we started taking pictures. What if the pictures don't attract any guys? What if my parents don't like any of them (since I was also trying to get pictures to send to family for Christmas [so, family, pick a pose and a size and I'll happily get something printed for you])? What if I break the camera? What if I don't photograph well? Or look like a beached whale?

I have a vivid imagination and it can get away from me. Great for thinking up story ideas...horrible for thinking about real life. And, really, the worst thing that happened during the shoot was a bee sting--which I wasn't allergic to. It's just itched for a few days. I posted a sampling of my new pictures online and tons of my friends have commented on them and how much they like them. It's rather overwhelming. But, I think, that people don't always go get their pictures taken when they're single, or even just being overweight might make them think twice before purposely presenting themselves in front of a lens. Taking a portrait of a family of one isn't always done. Sure, there are head shots, but that's for professional reasons. Or maybe you could be in love with the way you look and need pictures of yourself everywhere. However, I felt that I wanted some pictures that represented me, or the me that my family sees. If they want a picture, that is. Again, do you hang up pictures of your single sibs? But maybe we should? Perhaps I should ask my brother if he'll get *his* picture taken so we can trade for Christmas.

No matter what the outcome, though, of posting my new photos on the dating website, I have supported a friend with their dream. And I will recommend her to others because she's awesome (even if portraits isn't her main interest). She has a great eye and even made ME look good. I said it was the camera (when I really meant photographer). She said it was me. She's so sweet!!!!! So, L and R, thank you for the fabulous experience on Wednesday. I need to hang out with you gals more often!

Tired of Being "Strong"

I'm weary.

After the un-shocking removal of my coworker last week, I knew I could get through having to deal with both mine and her clients because a very capable and fabulous friend and coworker who had been absent for some time was back on the job. There was an end in site, with hopefully a better new employee on the horizon (which I know will take awhile, no matter how much they say they're going to be quick about it). But, then the shock came. A week to the day of the last termination, the other coworker was let go. I was her backup, too. So, many people at work know that I'm burdened with a lion's share of work. There are others only aware of just one of the two terminations. And at least one person who does know about both and is still completely unsympathetic. I shouldn't be surprised.

I'm only doing the basics.

The clients, however, don't see it as one person doing more work, they see that I'm the new helper person who has all the time in the world to deal with their issues and can't see why I'm taking longer and longer to respond to "reasonable" requests.

Work might be scared that I might leave, as I have some of the only working knowledge on one major system.

These were the hardest three days in a long time. One coworker bought me cookies. Others have been checking on me on the phone and by email.

I'm really tired now. Before, when there was hope of help from the other admin, I was fine. But now. Now I really am doing the work of three people. And poorly. And I have no clue how "long" the process will be to find two new people. And once they're hired, I'm sure I will be the one training both of them.

They hired someone recently to fill a position deemed unneeded after a termination over a year ago. Someone was finally able to convince them the position was actually necessary. I showed her today a portion of my job that her boss thinks would be good to know so she can help. It's a very complicated and convoluted program. Her eyes were wide after I demonstrated what we have to do to get the results we want. She said there was a large amount of knowledge in my brain.

I really don't know how long I can do this and still stay sane.

I would really appreciate it if work didn't have so much faith in and high expectations of me. I'm pretty sure they have TOO much confidence in my abilities. Can I get through this without becoming completely broken?

The admin I will miss, however, is taking a positive view of her situation. Because, seriously, she doesn't have to work in our highly dysfunctional environment anymore. Is it bad if you wish you were fired, too?