So, yes, I've been pretty silent lately. But don't feel *too* neglected. I've been silent to just about everyone. I've been so sick that getting to work takes a huge effort. Which makes collapsing when I get home and resting up over the weekend my new "old" way of life.
It's now old because I've changed which office I work out of. I feel tons better already. Coincidence? Hmmm.
But, unfortunately, part of the drama of the old job followed me to work at the end of the day today. My former deskmate has a habit of misunderstanding everything. I kid you not. So, when I was being told what she believed my now-former managers said regarding my previous work, I didn't quite believe what she said. Many times I've caught her--not in a lie, mind you--in misrepresenting the truth. Well, it's HER truth, maybe, but nowhere close to actual life. But, unfortunately after our short phone conversation, I was then misrepresented to said now-former managers. Now everyone's mad and/or crying. Okay, for once I'm not the one allegedly crying. And I'm frustrated, surely.
Tomorrow will be interesting. What do you do when you really can't believe anything someone says? It is quite like she's the end part of the game of gossip, but she should have a better grasp on what people actually say. It's possible that she hears only some things...and none of them good. Really, how can my encouraging her in her new position (my recent one) lead to her telling others that I'm not going to help!?! What I said was she already knew how to do the job and don't worry, you can do this. She heard that I wasn't going to orient her on the particular complexities of my clients. Not true. And my past managers should KNOW that about me. When have I ever left anyone in the lurch? I, who on being let go from a past company, was asked to stay on two extra weeks so I could train the next person. When that next person didn't want training I then wrote up detailed instructions and made them obvious to follow. That's the kind of person I am. Not: Later, Losers!
I am incredibly grateful that I'm at the new office. I explained the situation to my new manager who is going to smooth over the situation (hopefully) with my past team. I wonder how long it will take them to understand that everything this person says must be taken with a salt lick? Really, a grain is far too little.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Out of tCeOxNt
When you don't have all the information, it's easy to jump to conclusions which have no basis in fact. Because we tend to see the world through our own filter, we make assumptions all the time about why people do the things they do or say what they say, etc. Someone decided that all caps is yelling. YOU CAN SEE WHY WHEN YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS: IT SEEMS THAT WHAT YOU'RE EXPRESSING IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT AND MAYBE LOUD. It also can be annoying. Don't worry, I'm not actually yelling. In fact, if you believe I am, that is your perception. I was using it as an example and you didn't actually hear me. I promise.
The more we move into an electronic age of instant communication, the easier it is to misunderstand the messages we send. Since I like to write, my texts are often long and (hopefully) grammatically correct, except for the occasional slang. I actually type something like "too funny" or "that made me laugh!" - not LOL. And this is how I usually express that I don't know or care or whatever: <shrug>. I like it much better than IDK. Also, a shrug can convey so much more than the phrase "I don't know."
And because I'm wordy; when I receive brief replies of one or two words, I imagine that the person on the other end is perhaps angry or annoyed. That's because *I* get quiet when I'm mad. But, if the responder is a guy, well, they typically use less words a day than women do. Men are used to being brief. I don't know how to be. So, somehow I have to stop thinking that briefness equals anger. It probably means someone's a neat, concise thinker.
I want you to realize that anything, ANYthing, can be taken out of context. The media is quite good at it. I've learned how to read the movie reviews. If they use a major network's minor affiliate's critique, then they had to go down pretty far to get a good review...somewhere. They can also lift phrases from a larger, probably negative critique, like so: "I tried hard to find something to like in this dreck that is trying to pass as good cinema, but the best movie of the year it's not" can become "...the best movie of the year...."
This happens in politics as well. Instead of opponents actually explaining where they stand on issues (which, if they were honest, may not get them enough votes to win so they have to be vague or risk actually getting a firm base with people who agree with their policies and opinions), mostly they get to the point of pulling things out of context and using them in an inflammatory manner to do that old muckraking shtick. How the media decides to use these tactics actually shows their bias. For, if they are just reporting facts only, which in themselves can be subjective by which tidbits they choose to share, it is when they purposely choose a phrase or topic without the rest of the sentence or speech that causes sensationalism and probably contributes to the success of the person they are not defaming. And win them more viewers/readers/listeners who dislike the candidates having the proverbial mud flung at them.
So, yes, when you don't tend to speak to people face to face, where you can see what they're expressing physically or actually hear the tone of their voice, it is way to easy to misunderstand them. Perhaps some people think I'm preachy. However, how would they know that I'm really trying to use a wry wit? Or that I make amusing faces when I'm writing? Or the way I dramatically emphasize certain things when I read something out loud to see if it makes sense?
Context: don't be out of it on purpose. And please talk to people in person. That shouldn't be so rare anymore. We might misunderstand each other less. Notice that I'm not saying that communication will be perfectly understood. How could it be? None of us are perfect and we (thankfully) cannot read each others' minds.
The more we move into an electronic age of instant communication, the easier it is to misunderstand the messages we send. Since I like to write, my texts are often long and (hopefully) grammatically correct, except for the occasional slang. I actually type something like "too funny" or "that made me laugh!" - not LOL. And this is how I usually express that I don't know or care or whatever: <shrug>. I like it much better than IDK. Also, a shrug can convey so much more than the phrase "I don't know."
And because I'm wordy; when I receive brief replies of one or two words, I imagine that the person on the other end is perhaps angry or annoyed. That's because *I* get quiet when I'm mad. But, if the responder is a guy, well, they typically use less words a day than women do. Men are used to being brief. I don't know how to be. So, somehow I have to stop thinking that briefness equals anger. It probably means someone's a neat, concise thinker.
I want you to realize that anything, ANYthing, can be taken out of context. The media is quite good at it. I've learned how to read the movie reviews. If they use a major network's minor affiliate's critique, then they had to go down pretty far to get a good review...somewhere. They can also lift phrases from a larger, probably negative critique, like so: "I tried hard to find something to like in this dreck that is trying to pass as good cinema, but the best movie of the year it's not" can become "...the best movie of the year...."
This happens in politics as well. Instead of opponents actually explaining where they stand on issues (which, if they were honest, may not get them enough votes to win so they have to be vague or risk actually getting a firm base with people who agree with their policies and opinions), mostly they get to the point of pulling things out of context and using them in an inflammatory manner to do that old muckraking shtick. How the media decides to use these tactics actually shows their bias. For, if they are just reporting facts only, which in themselves can be subjective by which tidbits they choose to share, it is when they purposely choose a phrase or topic without the rest of the sentence or speech that causes sensationalism and probably contributes to the success of the person they are not defaming. And win them more viewers/readers/listeners who dislike the candidates having the proverbial mud flung at them.
So, yes, when you don't tend to speak to people face to face, where you can see what they're expressing physically or actually hear the tone of their voice, it is way to easy to misunderstand them. Perhaps some people think I'm preachy. However, how would they know that I'm really trying to use a wry wit? Or that I make amusing faces when I'm writing? Or the way I dramatically emphasize certain things when I read something out loud to see if it makes sense?
Context: don't be out of it on purpose. And please talk to people in person. That shouldn't be so rare anymore. We might misunderstand each other less. Notice that I'm not saying that communication will be perfectly understood. How could it be? None of us are perfect and we (thankfully) cannot read each others' minds.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Thoughts on the Nature of Love
I love my family. Every single one of them. There's not a one I don't cherish or love fiercely. They are mine and I'm keeping them. But I don't love them all the exact same way. How could I? They are not the same person cloned over and over. I was thinking out loud with a friend when I came to this mind-blowing revelation. So, within my family, I have a different type of love for each parent, each sibling, each sibling's spouse, and each of their children. So, right there I have 18 different types of love. And they aren't the only ones I love. I love my friends, co-workers, fellow congregants at church, and don't get me started on cute, furry animals.
And then there are all the people who love *me!* Each one of them loves me a different way than the next person. No one loves me exactly the same. And God loves us all, too! And He loves us as individuals. So, He loves us all differently, too, but I bet it's the same amount for each of us. Just...different. And catered to us personally.
It's like I realized there's this exponential outpouring of love in an infinite manner. The more people you meet and get to know, the more opportunities you have for loving someone new. Isn't that amazing?!?!?
That's all. I just wanted to share my "aha" moment.
And then there are all the people who love *me!* Each one of them loves me a different way than the next person. No one loves me exactly the same. And God loves us all, too! And He loves us as individuals. So, He loves us all differently, too, but I bet it's the same amount for each of us. Just...different. And catered to us personally.
It's like I realized there's this exponential outpouring of love in an infinite manner. The more people you meet and get to know, the more opportunities you have for loving someone new. Isn't that amazing?!?!?
That's all. I just wanted to share my "aha" moment.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
There are More Types of Love Than Can Be Counted By Scientists and Philosophers
When I was meeting new people at the very beginning of my freshman year of college, an older guy (what, 21? 22?) told me that there were two types of women: women you date and women you marry. He told me that I was the kind that you marry and I would do well (marriage-wise) at the university. I had no idea what that meant at the time. I think I've finally figured it out. He was wrong about me getting married in my college years, but I think it's because boys raised in today's world view haven't been taught that principle.
There are women who are fun to date, but you don't/shouldn't take home to mom. These are the girls that are super fun, but have no clear plans for settling down and raising a family. However, since you marry who you date, lots of guys are convincing these oh-so-exciting girls to marry them, start a family, and then watch as she walks away leaving the kids with him and going in search of finding herself. It's possible that she would have been the marriageable-type later, but apparently not at the time she actually made the Commitment.
Those other women, the more dependable-type, the ones that are good at commitment and fidelity and respect, etc., these are the ones that most boys I know avoid like they have some type of highly contagious and easily transmitted disease. Those are the ones that are the best type to marry. *Those* girls. Like me, apparently.
Movies and television have decided that what constitutes compatibility is that first meeting of two people. If there's no "spark," if that initial overwhelming attraction (really, just lust) isn't there, then you're not "right" for each other. What baloney! Malarkey, even. You don't even KNOW that person! They could be a psychopath who just happens to be highly physically attractive. Should that mean that because you both desire each other on your very first impression that that is who you should be with? I don't know about you, but I'd like to find out if the guy I'm dating is actually sane before any major decisions are made. I'm not saying I don't get crushes, because I do, but I also realize that the crush is based on a fantasy. Actual romantic-type love may come later, but never initially. Because it can't. Fictional media doesn't usually portray a slow, yet deeply-felt love very often. Pride & Prejudice (or any Jane Austen book/film, for that matter) is an example of the first impression not being indicative of who is best for one another. But most films don't want to take the time to tell a story of people falling in love over a certain number of months, years, or decades. They like to sell the love-at-first-sight bit. It's easier to write and doesn't have to involve much character development. Or depth. Or plot.
I have rediscovered that I don't do well on dating sites. My picture isn't doctored to make me look like a tan, tall, skinny Barbie-type. Therefore, not a lot of guys message me. I got a bite on Christmas Day, though, by a man twenty years my senior. He could almost be my father. I still think it's creepy. I'm not ready for that age-range yet. He'd have to be STELLAR for me to consider it. And his profile said he might want kids. He'd be almost 80 when his child graduated high school if he fathered one now. I realize that Tony Randall had children late in life, but he's passed away leaving a young wife (50 years younger than him) and two young children behind. That is the risk you take by marrying a much older man.
But I digress. I was the only one of my high school friends to go to college out-of-state. I was told by one of my girlfriends during the summer break after our freshman year that the entire gang (sans myself) had gotten together for dinner one night and the subject turned to me at some point. I guess that the guys in my group of friends shared that they ALL had liked me at one time or another. Every. Single. One. Wait, could that be why I'm facebook friends with all the guys, but not all the girls? Hmmmm.
So, that's why I said in a previous post that it's not beyond the realm of possibility that guys could be in love with me and not even know it. I am the type of girl that guys fall for slowly, incrementally, and mayhaps inevitably. But they have to get to know me, first. Running away or refusing to speak to me will not accomplish that part. But if men don't know about that kind of slow-burn love, how would they even know they were experiencing it until it was too late and I was already out of their lives? Would they consider me a possibility to date if there was no immediate spark? Will one of them take the necessary time to woo me until he finally realizes that he couldn't live without me?
I don't know. But I'm sure I'll find out eventually.
Usually hopeful though occasionally frustrated,
Dee
There are women who are fun to date, but you don't/shouldn't take home to mom. These are the girls that are super fun, but have no clear plans for settling down and raising a family. However, since you marry who you date, lots of guys are convincing these oh-so-exciting girls to marry them, start a family, and then watch as she walks away leaving the kids with him and going in search of finding herself. It's possible that she would have been the marriageable-type later, but apparently not at the time she actually made the Commitment.
Those other women, the more dependable-type, the ones that are good at commitment and fidelity and respect, etc., these are the ones that most boys I know avoid like they have some type of highly contagious and easily transmitted disease. Those are the ones that are the best type to marry. *Those* girls. Like me, apparently.
Movies and television have decided that what constitutes compatibility is that first meeting of two people. If there's no "spark," if that initial overwhelming attraction (really, just lust) isn't there, then you're not "right" for each other. What baloney! Malarkey, even. You don't even KNOW that person! They could be a psychopath who just happens to be highly physically attractive. Should that mean that because you both desire each other on your very first impression that that is who you should be with? I don't know about you, but I'd like to find out if the guy I'm dating is actually sane before any major decisions are made. I'm not saying I don't get crushes, because I do, but I also realize that the crush is based on a fantasy. Actual romantic-type love may come later, but never initially. Because it can't. Fictional media doesn't usually portray a slow, yet deeply-felt love very often. Pride & Prejudice (or any Jane Austen book/film, for that matter) is an example of the first impression not being indicative of who is best for one another. But most films don't want to take the time to tell a story of people falling in love over a certain number of months, years, or decades. They like to sell the love-at-first-sight bit. It's easier to write and doesn't have to involve much character development. Or depth. Or plot.
I have rediscovered that I don't do well on dating sites. My picture isn't doctored to make me look like a tan, tall, skinny Barbie-type. Therefore, not a lot of guys message me. I got a bite on Christmas Day, though, by a man twenty years my senior. He could almost be my father. I still think it's creepy. I'm not ready for that age-range yet. He'd have to be STELLAR for me to consider it. And his profile said he might want kids. He'd be almost 80 when his child graduated high school if he fathered one now. I realize that Tony Randall had children late in life, but he's passed away leaving a young wife (50 years younger than him) and two young children behind. That is the risk you take by marrying a much older man.
But I digress. I was the only one of my high school friends to go to college out-of-state. I was told by one of my girlfriends during the summer break after our freshman year that the entire gang (sans myself) had gotten together for dinner one night and the subject turned to me at some point. I guess that the guys in my group of friends shared that they ALL had liked me at one time or another. Every. Single. One. Wait, could that be why I'm facebook friends with all the guys, but not all the girls? Hmmmm.
So, that's why I said in a previous post that it's not beyond the realm of possibility that guys could be in love with me and not even know it. I am the type of girl that guys fall for slowly, incrementally, and mayhaps inevitably. But they have to get to know me, first. Running away or refusing to speak to me will not accomplish that part. But if men don't know about that kind of slow-burn love, how would they even know they were experiencing it until it was too late and I was already out of their lives? Would they consider me a possibility to date if there was no immediate spark? Will one of them take the necessary time to woo me until he finally realizes that he couldn't live without me?
I don't know. But I'm sure I'll find out eventually.
Usually hopeful though occasionally frustrated,
Dee
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Let It Snow? Sure, just not Saturday morning, please.
Today we got a half snow day. That is that we went to work and halfway through the workday they closed the office. This was good because I'm sick with a cold that I've had since Sunday. I missed work on Monday and Tuesday, dragged myself in on Wednesday (and went to the work Christmas dinner that night where I got my 10-year congratulatory certificate). I needed a nap as soon as I woke up this morning. I'm sure it had nothing to do with waking up around 1:30 a.m. and not getting back to sleep around 4:00 a.m. When you can't breathe because of a stuffy nose and hacking coughs, apparently you can't sleep very well.
So, it's been snowing all day. ALL DAY! And though it was pretty while I was walking home in it, it's not great for freezing overnight and then walking on top of that in the morning. So, let's cross our fingers that I don't slip on the pavement whilst walking to work.
I'm picking up a relative tomorrow evening so they can sleepover and be taken to the airport Saturday morning to fly out for the Christmas holiday. We're expecting more snow Friday night and into Saturday morning. Cross your fingers that my relative will be able to get home! I'd love to have her stay over, but I think her mother would really like to have her home.
Work is still workish. My desk mate is still a little off, but the managers are actually starting to notice...I think. I have successfully rebuffed all offers to spend time with her outside of work. Not to be hurtful, mind you, but because she needs to make friends outside of our office. I have friends outside of our office and it's healthy because then you can occasionally gripe about work to people who have no clue who exactly you're talking about. I also have one friend *in* our tiny office and sometimes it's hard to NOT talk about work while you're at it. Which means other people might walk by and overhear. Not good. Also, when you talk about personal stuff it's on the company's time and that ain't good, either.
My desk mate is getting better generally. She's learning things finally and that's great. But some of the other stuff isn't going to change soon: her gruff manner, her lack of desire of meeting new people, her telling her managers that it's not her job. I remember doing that a couple of times. That's when they pull out the job description and point out the phrase "...and anything else you're asked to do." I loathe that phrase. Technically, they could ask me to do anything, like hop on one foot for an hour, and because they asked I'll have to do it. Where were the lawyers when they wrote that up? What if they ask me to do unethical things like corporate espionage or murdering the competition? Not that they would, mind you, it's just that they *could* that bothers me. Is holding that phrase over my head when I'm assigned something distasteful that a manger is delegating because they don't want to do it, either, a form of indentured servitude? I mean, I can't delegate it to anyone else. And I can like it or lump it. Oh, to have a thriving economy where you have to pay people more and treat them well to keep them. Bad job markets mean that companies can afford to be cheap and cruel (like Ebenezer Scrooge before the ghostly visits) and people will still apply. Shameful, that is.
As for that boy that I'm too old for, we've established that we enjoy spending time with one another and often--well, often for me. However, he isn't technically dating me but is truly dating other girls. I know because he lives his life on instagram, twitter, and facebook. I've seen the hashtags in the facebook posts. Funny, though, that he's all kinds of open about dating all these different girls but doesn't mention me at all when we're doing things together. Maybe it's because I don't have an instagram or twitter account. Or he's ashamed of me. Or doesn't quite know what to do about me. Ha! I don't know what to do about him, either. But right now it's kind of fun. When it stops being fun is a good time to bail, right? Or perhaps I should ask someone who *has* an instagram account to check out pictures there and not just the ones that end up on facebook? I don't know how it all works and please don't explain it. It would just be more things to distract me from doing what I need to be doing. Like writing. And not mooning over the boy. And this way I can't actually cyberstalk him. I don't need to be needy. I just need to be myself and attract the right kind of guy for me.
So, it's been snowing all day. ALL DAY! And though it was pretty while I was walking home in it, it's not great for freezing overnight and then walking on top of that in the morning. So, let's cross our fingers that I don't slip on the pavement whilst walking to work.
I'm picking up a relative tomorrow evening so they can sleepover and be taken to the airport Saturday morning to fly out for the Christmas holiday. We're expecting more snow Friday night and into Saturday morning. Cross your fingers that my relative will be able to get home! I'd love to have her stay over, but I think her mother would really like to have her home.
Work is still workish. My desk mate is still a little off, but the managers are actually starting to notice...I think. I have successfully rebuffed all offers to spend time with her outside of work. Not to be hurtful, mind you, but because she needs to make friends outside of our office. I have friends outside of our office and it's healthy because then you can occasionally gripe about work to people who have no clue who exactly you're talking about. I also have one friend *in* our tiny office and sometimes it's hard to NOT talk about work while you're at it. Which means other people might walk by and overhear. Not good. Also, when you talk about personal stuff it's on the company's time and that ain't good, either.
My desk mate is getting better generally. She's learning things finally and that's great. But some of the other stuff isn't going to change soon: her gruff manner, her lack of desire of meeting new people, her telling her managers that it's not her job. I remember doing that a couple of times. That's when they pull out the job description and point out the phrase "...and anything else you're asked to do." I loathe that phrase. Technically, they could ask me to do anything, like hop on one foot for an hour, and because they asked I'll have to do it. Where were the lawyers when they wrote that up? What if they ask me to do unethical things like corporate espionage or murdering the competition? Not that they would, mind you, it's just that they *could* that bothers me. Is holding that phrase over my head when I'm assigned something distasteful that a manger is delegating because they don't want to do it, either, a form of indentured servitude? I mean, I can't delegate it to anyone else. And I can like it or lump it. Oh, to have a thriving economy where you have to pay people more and treat them well to keep them. Bad job markets mean that companies can afford to be cheap and cruel (like Ebenezer Scrooge before the ghostly visits) and people will still apply. Shameful, that is.
As for that boy that I'm too old for, we've established that we enjoy spending time with one another and often--well, often for me. However, he isn't technically dating me but is truly dating other girls. I know because he lives his life on instagram, twitter, and facebook. I've seen the hashtags in the facebook posts. Funny, though, that he's all kinds of open about dating all these different girls but doesn't mention me at all when we're doing things together. Maybe it's because I don't have an instagram or twitter account. Or he's ashamed of me. Or doesn't quite know what to do about me. Ha! I don't know what to do about him, either. But right now it's kind of fun. When it stops being fun is a good time to bail, right? Or perhaps I should ask someone who *has* an instagram account to check out pictures there and not just the ones that end up on facebook? I don't know how it all works and please don't explain it. It would just be more things to distract me from doing what I need to be doing. Like writing. And not mooning over the boy. And this way I can't actually cyberstalk him. I don't need to be needy. I just need to be myself and attract the right kind of guy for me.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Icicling: A Non-Fun Way Of Life
My living room is a converted bedroom as the main room you walk into is shaped oddly with an inconvenient doorway and hall, as well as a pretty but-not-allowed-to-use fireplace. I still don't know what to call it: lounge, drawing room, receiving room, foyer (but said the French way so it sounds like foy-yay)?
I felt that the bedroom with the large picture window that looks over a busy street would be...asking for trouble. So, it's now my living room. Pros: my furniture *just* fits. Cons: there are 2 1/2 walls to the outside. This is bad in the summer as it gets very toasty and worse in the winter when it's several degrees colder than my bedroom. I say this because I have to up the temperature while I'm in the living room, but bump it back down an hour or so before I go to bed or the bedroom will be too hot!
I have a feeling that if I actually took this room as my bedroom that I'd have to invest in a canopy bed. I know, you're thinking -- aw, she's a frou-frou girl who will have mosquito netting and ribbons cascading from the canopy frame. No, I'm talking about an actual canopy bed with heavy velvet curtains and a definite top to keep out the draft! Think Ebenezer Scrooge in The Muppet Christmas Carol, Scrooge McDuck in Mickey's Christmas Carol, or Harry Potter's school bed. As for the Christmas Carol references, the people in Christmas Future talk about the bed curtains still being warm. And I'm pretty sure Scrooge was too cheap to buy velvet. Okay, maybe I am, too, but maybe I could try wool? Cotton would be too light and would let cold seep in. I would need something heavy enough to keep the heat inside the small bed area.
There was the loveliest canopy bed available at Target.com for the longest time. It was part of a charming collection that had sweeping angles and reminded me a little of the furniture in Disney's Alice in Wonderland. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford the twin or single bed (it was a girls' collection). Nor could I afford to make the canopy curtains, especially without a sewing machine. It's no longer available, though, so it's no longer an option. Sigh.
Do you think there's such a thing as a canopy couch? The large cold spot which is the picture window is freezing my back right now. I'll have to wrap my feather quilt around my shoulders so I can stop being so chilly.
Anyway, I was not expecting the weather to get so cold so fast. Now I definitely need to buy new tights as the ones from last year are about dead. ...And walking to work in freezing weather is not a favorite hobby of mine. And maybe curtains for my freezing window!!!!!!
And as I always contemplate during this time of year: why do I live where it's so cold?
I felt that the bedroom with the large picture window that looks over a busy street would be...asking for trouble. So, it's now my living room. Pros: my furniture *just* fits. Cons: there are 2 1/2 walls to the outside. This is bad in the summer as it gets very toasty and worse in the winter when it's several degrees colder than my bedroom. I say this because I have to up the temperature while I'm in the living room, but bump it back down an hour or so before I go to bed or the bedroom will be too hot!
I have a feeling that if I actually took this room as my bedroom that I'd have to invest in a canopy bed. I know, you're thinking -- aw, she's a frou-frou girl who will have mosquito netting and ribbons cascading from the canopy frame. No, I'm talking about an actual canopy bed with heavy velvet curtains and a definite top to keep out the draft! Think Ebenezer Scrooge in The Muppet Christmas Carol, Scrooge McDuck in Mickey's Christmas Carol, or Harry Potter's school bed. As for the Christmas Carol references, the people in Christmas Future talk about the bed curtains still being warm. And I'm pretty sure Scrooge was too cheap to buy velvet. Okay, maybe I am, too, but maybe I could try wool? Cotton would be too light and would let cold seep in. I would need something heavy enough to keep the heat inside the small bed area.
There was the loveliest canopy bed available at Target.com for the longest time. It was part of a charming collection that had sweeping angles and reminded me a little of the furniture in Disney's Alice in Wonderland. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford the twin or single bed (it was a girls' collection). Nor could I afford to make the canopy curtains, especially without a sewing machine. It's no longer available, though, so it's no longer an option. Sigh.
Do you think there's such a thing as a canopy couch? The large cold spot which is the picture window is freezing my back right now. I'll have to wrap my feather quilt around my shoulders so I can stop being so chilly.
Anyway, I was not expecting the weather to get so cold so fast. Now I definitely need to buy new tights as the ones from last year are about dead. ...And walking to work in freezing weather is not a favorite hobby of mine. And maybe curtains for my freezing window!!!!!!
And as I always contemplate during this time of year: why do I live where it's so cold?
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Attitude Adjustment: Check!
So, I wallowed into a pool of misery, woe is me, and self-pity on Sunday. I was a mess. But, I made myself go to another Sunday night lecture. It was all about gaining more hope, even if you're running on empty. Oddly, even though I was still oh, so sad about not getting the things that I want when I want them, the message still sunk in.
Unfortunately, it took another day to process. So I was still sad on Monday. And then that night I thought, "I'm being completely ridiculous and I kind of hate myself right now. What was that advice again?"
I cannot tell you how nice it is to NOT be weeping about a situation in which I have no control. So I've been calm and resilient the last two days...as well as coming down sick with a chest cold. Stupid stress on Sunday and Monday! If only I hadn't had a brief emotional breakdown a few days ago, I might have avoided the sick part. Maybe.
Sometimes, okay, really, all the time, it's frustrating when life does not go the way we hope, wish, pray, plan, and beg for. But for all the self-study I've been doing since high school, as well as I know myself, there's still a difference between Need and Want. I need to eat to survive: true. I need to eat a steak dinner every night to survive: false. I only want a steak dinner, and eating it would help the need, but something less...fattening would be better for daily consumption (don't worry, steak, I'll still eat you--I just have to cut back on how much I see you). I want to go to Hawaii, but I need to pay my rent (and eat; have I mentioned eating?).
I want a good man to share my life with, but I don't actually need one. I really, truly want one for my very own and I'll pat him and love him and call him George. Well, only if his name is George. I really want someone else to take out the trash, drive, cook, clean, etc. sometimes so it's not just me (I'm not abdicating from life, I just want help). And I'm tired of going stag or "doe" to things and I no longer want to invite female friends to my "plus one" invitations. I also like to be held and I would love to cuddle in someone's arms and let some of that stress just fade away. Of course, these are the yearnings of a woman who is still very inexperienced in romance and dating. For all the dating I've done, the long-term "relationships" I've had were really nothing more than a string of great first and second dates. Even on the 25th date, nothing ever really happened.
I am not good at boy cues. I've mentioned that before. Here's what went through my brain on Sunday when I saw my friend I'm not to have a crush on: There he is! When he said he wanted to be friends did he really mean it? What if he only meant that so I wouldn't be on my guard? Oh, hey, he's sitting in view of me...again. But he's left a space next to him this time. Should I sit there? But he said he only wanted to be friends and if I sit there people will think we're dating. But I do want to date him...and sit there. Is he expecting me to sit there? I did the only thing I could think of: I sat on the complete opposite side of the room where *I* couldn't see him. Then I could stick to the plan of being his friend. And then was miserable about how confused I am.
I try to take people at their word. If you think about it, we tend to view the world through the filter of who *we* are. If I believe the words people tell me, it's only indicative that I mean the words that I say to others. This makes it hard to play the Game of Dating. Whenever I try to understand the rules, I realize that I know nothing about any of them. I have yet to find an accurate rulebook. And I freak out when I don't know what's truly expected of me. So, having not really gotten past the first and second date syndrome, I don't know *what* I'd do if a boy wanted to take me on an authentic third and fourth and fifth and so on date. It took me years to figure out how to have a school friend for more than one school year. I have no idea how to behave in a way that is endearing and adorable without ending up in the surrogate sister role.
But sometime, somewhere, there is a man who will not put me in that sister role and will want me to share his life. I'd like to think that I need that companionship, but, really, I only want it. Badly. But wanting doesn't make things happen. I need to calm down around men I like so I'm not acting like a freakish 12-yr-old girl with her first major crush. And maybe then they'll stop running. Or I may stop pushing them away, too. I still don't know how to do that, either.
But it's okay. I'm alright. If not this guy, another. Or if not now, maybe later. Unless he really was giving me a "signal" to sit by him. And then maybe I've lost out on the chance with this one. But if he wants me he's going to have to figure out how to tell me in actual words that he'd like to date me. Um, and actually do something, like work out ways to spend time with me. And hold my hand. And go in for the kiss without asking for it first. Is there such a man? I HOPE so!
Unfortunately, it took another day to process. So I was still sad on Monday. And then that night I thought, "I'm being completely ridiculous and I kind of hate myself right now. What was that advice again?"
I cannot tell you how nice it is to NOT be weeping about a situation in which I have no control. So I've been calm and resilient the last two days...as well as coming down sick with a chest cold. Stupid stress on Sunday and Monday! If only I hadn't had a brief emotional breakdown a few days ago, I might have avoided the sick part. Maybe.
Sometimes, okay, really, all the time, it's frustrating when life does not go the way we hope, wish, pray, plan, and beg for. But for all the self-study I've been doing since high school, as well as I know myself, there's still a difference between Need and Want. I need to eat to survive: true. I need to eat a steak dinner every night to survive: false. I only want a steak dinner, and eating it would help the need, but something less...fattening would be better for daily consumption (don't worry, steak, I'll still eat you--I just have to cut back on how much I see you). I want to go to Hawaii, but I need to pay my rent (and eat; have I mentioned eating?).
I want a good man to share my life with, but I don't actually need one. I really, truly want one for my very own and I'll pat him and love him and call him George. Well, only if his name is George. I really want someone else to take out the trash, drive, cook, clean, etc. sometimes so it's not just me (I'm not abdicating from life, I just want help). And I'm tired of going stag or "doe" to things and I no longer want to invite female friends to my "plus one" invitations. I also like to be held and I would love to cuddle in someone's arms and let some of that stress just fade away. Of course, these are the yearnings of a woman who is still very inexperienced in romance and dating. For all the dating I've done, the long-term "relationships" I've had were really nothing more than a string of great first and second dates. Even on the 25th date, nothing ever really happened.
I am not good at boy cues. I've mentioned that before. Here's what went through my brain on Sunday when I saw my friend I'm not to have a crush on: There he is! When he said he wanted to be friends did he really mean it? What if he only meant that so I wouldn't be on my guard? Oh, hey, he's sitting in view of me...again. But he's left a space next to him this time. Should I sit there? But he said he only wanted to be friends and if I sit there people will think we're dating. But I do want to date him...and sit there. Is he expecting me to sit there? I did the only thing I could think of: I sat on the complete opposite side of the room where *I* couldn't see him. Then I could stick to the plan of being his friend. And then was miserable about how confused I am.
I try to take people at their word. If you think about it, we tend to view the world through the filter of who *we* are. If I believe the words people tell me, it's only indicative that I mean the words that I say to others. This makes it hard to play the Game of Dating. Whenever I try to understand the rules, I realize that I know nothing about any of them. I have yet to find an accurate rulebook. And I freak out when I don't know what's truly expected of me. So, having not really gotten past the first and second date syndrome, I don't know *what* I'd do if a boy wanted to take me on an authentic third and fourth and fifth and so on date. It took me years to figure out how to have a school friend for more than one school year. I have no idea how to behave in a way that is endearing and adorable without ending up in the surrogate sister role.
But sometime, somewhere, there is a man who will not put me in that sister role and will want me to share his life. I'd like to think that I need that companionship, but, really, I only want it. Badly. But wanting doesn't make things happen. I need to calm down around men I like so I'm not acting like a freakish 12-yr-old girl with her first major crush. And maybe then they'll stop running. Or I may stop pushing them away, too. I still don't know how to do that, either.
But it's okay. I'm alright. If not this guy, another. Or if not now, maybe later. Unless he really was giving me a "signal" to sit by him. And then maybe I've lost out on the chance with this one. But if he wants me he's going to have to figure out how to tell me in actual words that he'd like to date me. Um, and actually do something, like work out ways to spend time with me. And hold my hand. And go in for the kiss without asking for it first. Is there such a man? I HOPE so!
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