Is that spelled Susie, Suzy, Siouxie, or Soozee?

I do not have children so I've never been in the position to actually pick a baby name. I do find it odd, though, how many people try to set their child apart from the crowd by creatively spelling the extremely common name they've chosen for them. When friends mention they're going to do something like this I try to point out that it doesn't really matter how it's spelled, because when that name is called on the playground at least ten kids will turn around and look. So, spelling it differently is kinda pointless.

I have other, child-free, friends who have long lists of names they would LOVE to name their children which are actually horrible ideas for living, breathing mini-persons. I try to steer them towards using such names for quirky characters in a novel or perhaps short story, but a real live kid would be traumatized if saddled with such a moniker. I base this opinion on my own, former, desire to one day have a son named Gailen. Knowing that this name is not common locally, I started imagining the nicknames my future son might acquire--and realized what some of them might be and felt really bad for my imaginary future boy. So, though it would be nice, it ain't realistic unless I move somewhere in the vicinity of the U.K.

If your version of a simply spelled name is too creatively different, NO ONE, least of all your own child, will know how to spell it when they're learning their letters. Before my first day of school my mom made sure I knew how to write my first name correctly, but forgot to teach me how to spell my last name. I think I still have the drawing with my first try somewhere. It makes me giggle. There were lots of extra letters in my attempt to get what I was writing to match the sounds I knew by heart.

If you really want your child to be unique, why don't you use the actual longer name as many popular names are the short version? That way your child could use the nickname OR the full name, depending on their school popularity and/or career choices. Or use some of those names that are so old it's about time they were back in fashion. I bet those would be completely unique in today's world. I know that Ginger is a nickname for Virginia, besides being another term for "redhead," but I am acquainted with at least one Jinjer who's name is definitely NOT short for anything (and I shudder for her and the workplace jokes which can be almost as bad as playground taunts).

And it's amazing how touchy people can be about the pronunciation of their name when you're not from the same region. I apologize for my continued error, but everywhere else pronounces that combination of letters differently from here. And apparently I have to remember where you're from before attempting to pronounce your name as the person next to you with the same spelling says it differently. Or stop being so sensitive. At least I'm close and not calling you something way off. Pretend I'm not from here. Oh, wait...I'm not. To me, YOU are pronouncing it wrong. So there, Cori-pronounced-Cari*! From now on I'm going to snicker on the inside while you correct me every time I purposely call you Carrie**.

*Name has been changed to prevent further annoyance.
**I wouldn't actually do such a thing...out loud.

Humans Are Funny

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being human. Though it might be tempting to exhibit animal-like behavior (such as hibernating all winter or sticking your head in the sand), this is not recommended if you are a contributing member of the human race.

I have noticed, however, that not everyone is really big on becoming a "contributing" member. Some children have decided to permanently live at home whilst employed at dead-end jobs. What boggles my mind is that their parents willingly take care of them. I don't understand this. Fledgelings must leave the nest. They must learn to fly. Clipping their wings means that when you, the parent birds, die, then they, the fledgelings, will starve to death in the nest you built. Then those dying big baby birds that resemble adults will think, "Why didn't you leave me more regurgitated food?"

Keeping your children as childlike as long as possible so you feel needed is not loving and caring in any way. Perhaps my perspective on this differs from the local norm because after I graduated college and moved back home (only because I couldn't find employment) my parents had Rules that, as someone who wanted to be independent, really rankled. I had to pay rent, I couldn't invite people over, I couldn't disrupt the parents' routine, and my curfew wasn't fun. So, no, I did NOT want to live with my parents forever. In fact, I will do almost anything to ensure that I never have to move in with them again.

So my suggestion is this: encourage your children to leave home and make their own way in life, but kindly. Society will thank you for it. Women who are seeking actual men to date will be happier that there are some in the dating pool, instead of so many boys (of varying ages who should know better, but choose not to). And girls who are helpless aren't great dating material, either, and make even worse steady girlfriends, wives, and mothers. But, hey, if you want your child(ren) to starve once their inheritance runs out, by all means, keep doing that thing where you stifle their growth.