As children we are trained to ask for what we want politely, though sometimes we'd say "pretty please with sugar on top" while maybe hopping up and down because we want it so much. Just pointing and saying "want" didn't work after age 2. Pointing and grunting was also discouraged.
So, tell me, when did it become not okay to admit that we want things? Why is part of the passage into "adulthood" often not being able to be honest with one another? If I am on a first date at a restaurant, I am NOT ordering a salad. That's not what I want to eat and if you wanted someone who actually wanted to eat salad for dinner you wouldn't have asked me out anyway. It's true that in the past I would have (secretly unhappily) ordered a salad as I heard that it's what you were supposed to do, but it's silly and I'm not doing it anymore. I'm also more self-possessed than I was years ago, so am not really interested in doing everything the way you're supposed to.
I am not allowed to utter the following phrases in a mixed company of singles: I would like to date, I would like to have a boyfriend, I would like to be married one day. Apparently, saying such things out loud is highly scandalous. Once you say anything close to that single men treat you like a pariah and you might as well have leprosy. Don't they also want to date, find someone to date exclusively, and then one day be married? So, why isn't it okay to say it? I didn't say I wanted to marry them in particular, I just would like to be married someday.
Yes, it's true that when I was in kindergarten I chased around a boy during recess and told him that I was going to kiss him. He was very good at running away. Poor thing, I probably scarred him for life. What I did take away from the experience, though, is that I am a coward at making first moves. When I finally caught him and I was in prime kissing position, I freaked out and let him go. I didn't chase him after that. My bluff had been called. It was many, many years after that when I was first kissed.
I think it is problematic of my faith that there are many more single women than men who regularly attend. This means that the men that do go, regardless of wealth or even if they are attractive, are consistently swarmed by women who would like to date them. Why choose just one woman when you can have an unofficial harem at your beck and call? This is to the guys' advantage, however, and they get asked out and have dinners cooked for them and if they do date exclusively and then break up, there's no proper waiting period before they're dating someone else.
I am never one of those girls on the arm of those guys who are dating. I'm more like that funny girl that everyone likes to be around but no one knows why they're still single (because no one is asking me out, genius). That's great that my friends think I'm awesome and they don't know who is good enough to set me up with. Just greeeeaaaaaaaaaaat. Again, I could date if I didn't care who it was or whether they were in my faith or not. But that's not me. Besides, I'd annoy any guy who was only occasionally religious as I am very much so. I'm about as straight-laced as you can get. So, yes, my dating options are limited and the older I get the sparser they become.
I also don't like to compete. So you won't find me joining the hopeful entourage of the very popular guys. I'll be in the fringe flirting heavily with guys who *aren't* being swarmed. This hasn't worked so far. I'll have to work up a new strategy, like being just me, but being emotionally available for whatever may or may not come. And asking my friends to set me up. Or putting up a dating profile on one of those sites. Yep, I think it's about that time.
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