I believe that we have more control over our minds than anyone could have thought possible. However, much of what we lack is discipline. I've been watching a lot of Star Trek Voyager these last few weeks and have seen some benefit of choosing to think like a Vulcan. Not the whole lack of emotion thing, because that's weird, but of being specific in the type of ways we think.
How many times have we heard about marriages breaking up because of affairs and the two participants stating: we couldn't help ourselves? It was meant to be. It was bigger than both of us. Yeah, right. There was a time where that attraction (which is FAR from inevitable) could have been nipped in the proverbial bud and made that particular possibility "inconceivable." First, why, oh why, would you think that someone who married is even eligible for your affection? I don't know about you, but I'd prefer a man who keeps his commitments and honors his promises. I think I'd lose respect for both him and me if we participated in the dissolution of a marriage. There are some women, sadly, who only crave men who are unavailable. Or if they desire being with a powerful man, a wife is inconsequential in their goal. Why?
I don't understand it. To me a married man is not connected to my dating pool. It's true that a married man doesn't have his guard up and is usually kinder than single guys who believe you're below their notice. And it can be nice to have someone of the opposite gender pay attention to you. HOWEVER, if you feel that you are becoming attracted to someone who is married, you have the ability to stop feeling those emotions. I know. I've done it. More than once. You just shut those feelings down and make sure you're never alone with that guy until it's as if you never felt any stirrings of emotion for them.
And it's probably easier to do that at the beginning than if you've obsessed about him, fantasized about things, etc. Here's another thing: my odd scruples about Hollywood crushes. Once a guy I think is dreamy has walked down that aisle, I have to give him up. I don't feel right lusting after a married man. To be fair, I try not to actually lust after any man because I think that's rather unhealthy...but I end the attraction when he's no longer available. Also, I end an attraction if I find out he's not interested in women. Sadly, several of my crushes have come out of the closet which makes me think I need some dating therapy (because, apparently, I am attracted to men who are a different type of "unavailable").
It's not easy being strict with your thoughts and emotions, but it is possible. It's not hard to let your emotions get the better of you, but you don't have to live life that way. I know there are still areas of my thought processes that could use improvement, like the part that cares too much of what other people think of me, or the thinking poorly about myself, or the perfectionist mentality that allows me to fail and do nothing because if I can't do it perfectly, why bother. So I know I have more challenges ahead of me. But I have worked hard on not thinking negatively about others when I'm out and about. So when I'm faced with thinking critically about a stranger on the street, as soon as I start a negative thought I drown it out by thinking of the Smurfs theme song from the cartoon years ago. It's annoying. I don't like it. And it's like aversion therapy. I haven't been running that song in my head very often recently because I'm training myself to not think about strangers negatively. Yea! It would be fabulous if I never had to think of that tune again. Of course, the la la la's are banging about it my head right now just writing about this. Ah, well.
So let me sum up: trap those stray thoughts and purge them before they lead to any inappropriate action. I'm always relieved when after I find myself starting down a questionable path that I retreat and go a different way. Backtracking is possible. No roads are inevitable or destiny or anything else that would excuse your lack of self-control. My behavior is mine and there are consequences in life. It's up to me to act in a way that the consequences would be positive instead of negative. It's also important to remember that when I fail, there's a way to come back. I believe in repentance and atonement with my full being and am grateful that clean slates are possible.
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