So, a week of uncertainty has passed at work. It's uncertain because they announced major changes in that meeting on Monday morning but forgot to arrange for the little changes caused by the big changes. By "big" I mean upper management level and by "little" I mean everyone else in the company. And there are a LOT of "little" changes because of the rearrangement of departments and such, so much so that they still haven't decided all of the decisions. Um, who are my bosses and who are my clients and how many more am I getting? And am I staying in my present office or being moved across the way? And what shall we do now that one of the managers who was being moved to my office has decided to put in their two weeks notice?
It's unpleasant being a pawn in someone else's game. They move me from square to square and I swear I'm the one they keep sacrificing and then putting back in when it starts all over again. It reminds me just a bit of Through The Looking Glass And What Alice Found There by Lewis Carrol. This companion piece to Alice in Wonderland (and often bound together as if it's one book) is written like a chess game. There's even an explanation of the moves at the beginning of the book. Upon looking out across the Looking Glass World at the top of a hill and noticing that the land stretched out and looked like a chessboard, Alice says excitedly, "It's a great huge game of chess that's being played--all over the world--if this is the world at all, you know. Oh, what fun it is! How I wish I was one of them! I wouldn't mind being a Pawn, if only I might join--though, of course, I should like to be a Queen best." And off she goes in a mad game of chess in which (spoiler alert) she becomes a queen at the end.
I wouldn't mind playing if I could ever graduate from being a pawn to a queen. But now that I know for a surety that I won't in this company, that I'll always be sacrificed or taken somewhere mid-game, I'm pretty much done. I never learned chess. I felt the rules were far too complicated to keep straight. Checkers I was okay at, though Chinese Checkers was my favorite.
I've now taken a couple of assessment tests to find out where my skills and interests might join together to find a career path I might not hate. I'm going to talk to a career counselor, too, just because I am so burned out that just looking through employment listings makes me want to cry in despair that I'm never going to find something that I might actually like...that pays money...in a poor economy.
Should I set up a fund for people to support me while I finish my novel I've been barely writing for almost ten years? Should I move to a commune? Should I homestead in Alaska so I can't be kicked out for not paying rent because I ran out of money trying to chase a dream? I hate being practical.
However, I will giggle a little that this last test says things like: avoid adventuring, develop woodworking, explore office practices (what I'm trying to avoid), and pursue science and the creative arts. I knew the creative part would come into it, but science? I didn't get those super-smart logical genes. I take issues with scientific "laws" which are really just guesses that haven't yet been disproven. And scientific subsets that disagree with one another. And that color is merely the way light is reflected and/or absorbed so when there's no light, there's no color. Tell you what, I will concede that some things may not have color in the absence of light due to merely the reflection/absorption issue, if you concede that some things have color as part of its properties. And if there's no light, how can you actually prove your theory?
Though I have read what the news sees fit to report on obvious studies that somebody funded proving facts everyone already knew. Perhaps it's the perfect job after all! Or not. We'll see.
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