My, my, how rumors fly!

Remember when you were in junior high and high school and rumors spread like wildfire? I think the writers of Easy A had it right when Emma Stone explains about "The Accelerated velocity of Terminological Inexactitude."

Did you know that the workplace can be just as petty and complicated to navigate as when you were a teenager? It's like we never grew up. You could be close to 60 with grandchildren and be just as quick to spread and/or start a rumor as when you were 14. I know you can't tell, but I'm rolling my eyes right now.

When I first thought of this post a few days ago, it had to do with a rumor about myself that had just gotten back to me that people at work think I'm going to have to move because of my health. So NOT what was originally said. Namely, that my younger sister would like me to move back home as it would fix some of my health issues. That is what I told people about my sister's visit (and that we had a good time, despite the fact that she was here for a funeral).

However, since that wholly inaccurate account surfaced, we've had a bit of a kerfuffle at work and though the rumor of my move is premature, now the entire company is talking about an entirely different rumor, hopefully having nothing to do with me.

Our company decided to announce midweek that there is a company-wide meeting this coming Monday morning at 8:30 a.m. There was no explanation given; we all just received the appointment. I read the email and may have said out loud "let the rumors begin." Don't they know that when the corporate officers are vague that the employees guess? I decided to ask the people in my tiny satellite office if they had any good guesses. And by that I meant not anything based in reality. I figured that if we made up outlandish stuff that I could keep my mind off of actually speculating, which might lead to nervousness and panic and maybe eventually the dark side (if Yoda is right).

Here's what I came up with: we're all getting helper monkeys to assist us in our work, we will be made to wear uniforms in shades of pumpkin and puce, they are changing our company name *again* (actually possible), we will be allowed to bring pets to work as they'll lower our blood pressure and we'll be less likely to leave. Of course, more than one person said maybe we're all getting fired. Cue the nervous laughter.

Well, others must of have thought of the same thing because about one to two hours later we were sent an email that said that the rumor of massive layoffs was just that: a rumor. Layoffs are not anticipated. Hmmm. Couldn't they have been definitive and said layoffs weren't happening at all? Verbiage: it's important. It reminds me of The Emperor's New Groove when Yzma and Kronk are locked in the closet at Pacha's place and Yzma says: "Tell us where the talking llama is and we'll burn your house to the ground."
Kronk: "Uh, don't you mean or?"
Yzma:  [Sigh] "Tell us where the talking llama is OR we'll burn your house to the ground."
Chaca: "Well, which is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction."

Note that my division has a second meeting right after the first half-hour one. It means change. That I'm sure of. What is changing I have no idea. However, it can't be layoffs because that would be late on a Friday. This meeting should probably be at the end of the day because I can't imagine anyone wanting to work after bad news. Believe me, it will be bad. Not fired bad, but bad for my workload. Whatever changes they've made to the company since I was hired nine years ago has always added to the amount and type of work I do. I don't know how anyone could imagine that one person could possibly do all the things I'm asked to. But I'm not going to worry too much about it. Because I've been thinking about leaving...before the meeting was announced, even. If they offer severance (if it's that sort of meeting), it may be hard for me to not voluntarily separate.

Maybe it will be good news....