Being Unintentionally Mean

When you choose to be a people pleaser, whether due to your birth order, indoctrination, nature, or even nurture, you are bound for disappointment. I know this very well. I'm always living my life to please others. I think I may still be trying to please my parents, which is just silly as I live, what, a fourth of a nation away? I also like to please my friends, my landlord, my boss(es), and coworkers... You get the picture, right?

So we have a new employee. I expected (and others were hoping for the same) to train this one just like I have others in the past. I've also been known to train managers, but we won't get into that. However, due to unfortunate circumstances, the new employee, who was believed to be someone I would get along with, does not want anything to do with me. I was seen as critical when I wasn't trying to be. Being trained when you don't know any of the programs can be daunting and you can't know everything right away. You just can't. And no one expects you to learn everything within four days. There's a reason why there's a six-month review. That's around the time that you're expected to know what your job entails and whether you are able to do it.

So, after I tried to apologize for accidentally offending my coworker, I was ignored. I did try one more piece of information, but apparently that didn't go over well, either. I guess they were really mad at the end of the day and that's the only thing I can think of that may have caused it. It was painful for me. I wasn't being mean, I was merely trying to train. And then I felt responsible. Responsible for the pain the coworker was feeling and responsible for now being unable to train them at all.

But I have very kind managers in my office who have taken the burden of responsibility off of me. I am not to take it personally (which will be very, extremely difficult). Since this person and I are supposed to work as a team, essentially, and help each other with our duties, this will be a challenge: not one I was looking for, but one I've gotten, nonetheless. My managers actually want me to continue working there and, unfortunately, saw how much today affected me. That's on me. I need to be more professional. I was, in fact, pleased with myself that I didn't ask to go home a few hours early when the first incident happened. And I reallllly wanted to. But I had to be an adult. So I stayed and continued working.

So, I need to learn how to do the following: dealing with a co-worker who wants nothing to do with me, growing a thicker skin, and not stressing so much about the work. I can only do what I'm capable of doing. Even if others expect perfection from what I do, that is an impossible goal to try to live up to. I am merely a mortal, fallible human being; flawed to the core and doing the best I know how.

I hope I can survive two more days of work! But know this: I will not offer any more unasked for advice (aka training), even if the new coworker is not following company policy or is making huge mistakes by trying to learn everything on their own. It will only make them more miserable. And, therefore, me.

How I wish I had some chocolate right now!!!!!!!!