News flash: the only person I have control over is myself, and even that's questionable sometimes. So, I've met a new friend...who happens to be male. He, like myself, looks young. So I thought he was in his late twenties. But when he told me he was in his early thirties, twice, I knew he was fishing for my age. When I thought he was in his twenties I was not interested "in that way," and I knew I was definitely too old for him. Finding out that he was about five years older than I thought, I felt it was possible that I wouldn't mind going out with him, but that I might be beyond the range of what's comfortable for *him.* As I've gone out with someone twelve years younger before, eight years didn't seem impossible to me.
Ha.
So, we went on a non-date date thing, which, fortunately, I knew what it was beforehand. He politely asked me my age (though boys should never ask this). And I knew that by telling him the truth that the jig was up and he would lose all interest. Some people might suggest that I change the subject, refuse to answer, or just lie. That's not me. So I told him. He thought I was only three years older, which maybe he would have been able to handle (he's more comfortable dating down than up), but eight years might as well have been twenty.
So, even though we are probably highly compatible and apparently "cute" together, it doesn't matter one iota, whit, or at all. He's taken me out of the running. So, I'm fine being friends until one of us starts dating someone. There's an expiration date on this friendship and that's as it should be.
I haven't told my family about this because there's been nothing to tell. But now I have to. I went to a religious (yet funny) lecture last night and we went together for convenience' sake. Next time we'll invite more people so it doesn't look like we're a couple. But someone who's known me for almost all my life saw us. And she saw me acting as a friend. So before she left she felt the need to whisper in my ear--in front of him, I might add--that I need to go after this one. So I shook my head and said no. Then she felt the need to whisper again that we were adorable together and why don't I go for it? I shook my head again and said I'd tell her later. And what should I tell her? I'm too ancient for the young whippersnapper? That he'd be more comfortable dating my nieces than me? And as she might ask someone in my family about the boy, I thought I might mention it.
And why does anyone think I have any control whatsoever of another person's feelings? When you take physical intimacy out of the picture then seduction is kind of ridiculous and out of the question. So, then what? I can't manipulate him into liking me. First, it would be wrong to trick someone into dating me. Second, I wouldn't even begin to know how to do that. Third, even after all that he still wouldn't love me, not really. And I want a husband who consciously chooses me over all other women. I do not like being a backup plan. It's rather humiliating. I'm only good enough for you if you can't find anyone else to marry you, first? Gag me. And no way is that EVER happening.
For those of you that think I am being his friend for the sake of hoping he might like me in the future: well, I'm doing my best to squelch those feelings (because it's hard not to have them, no matter how futile they are). It's true that I have a slight infatuation, but I also know that my attraction is based more on who I think he might be or the potential of what he may become more so than who he actually is. Because I don't know him very well, yet. And it's silly to pine after a guy who is merely being nice and isn't encouraging me at all romantically. So I'm beating myself up about it and doing my best to keep thinking of him as Friend Only instead of Friend With Potential. It's working. I have a handle on it. But it takes self-control. And believing my head over my fall-for-anyone-nice heart.
So, here's a tip: don't ask the GIRL why she doesn't go for it--ask the boy. He has more control over who he ends up with than the girl does. It's not "fair," but what in life is? Feel free to tell him I'm a total catch and don't let me slip away or that we look cute together. I'd rather he be annoyed than me, anyway.
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