When I was meeting new people at the very beginning of my freshman year of college, an older guy (what, 21? 22?) told me that there were two types of women: women you date and women you marry. He told me that I was the kind that you marry and I would do well (marriage-wise) at the university. I had no idea what that meant at the time. I think I've finally figured it out. He was wrong about me getting married in my college years, but I think it's because boys raised in today's world view haven't been taught that principle.
There are women who are fun to date, but you don't/shouldn't take home to mom. These are the girls that are super fun, but have no clear plans for settling down and raising a family. However, since you marry who you date, lots of guys are convincing these oh-so-exciting girls to marry them, start a family, and then watch as she walks away leaving the kids with him and going in search of finding herself. It's possible that she would have been the marriageable-type later, but apparently not at the time she actually made the Commitment.
Those other women, the more dependable-type, the ones that are good at commitment and fidelity and respect, etc., these are the ones that most boys I know avoid like they have some type of highly contagious and easily transmitted disease. Those are the ones that are the best type to marry. *Those* girls. Like me, apparently.
Movies and television have decided that what constitutes compatibility is that first meeting of two people. If there's no "spark," if that initial overwhelming attraction (really, just lust) isn't there, then you're not "right" for each other. What baloney! Malarkey, even. You don't even KNOW that person! They could be a psychopath who just happens to be highly physically attractive. Should that mean that because you both desire each other on your very first impression that that is who you should be with? I don't know about you, but I'd like to find out if the guy I'm dating is actually sane before any major decisions are made. I'm not saying I don't get crushes, because I do, but I also realize that the crush is based on a fantasy. Actual romantic-type love may come later, but never initially. Because it can't. Fictional media doesn't usually portray a slow, yet deeply-felt love very often. Pride & Prejudice (or any Jane Austen book/film, for that matter) is an example of the first impression not being indicative of who is best for one another. But most films don't want to take the time to tell a story of people falling in love over a certain number of months, years, or decades. They like to sell the love-at-first-sight bit. It's easier to write and doesn't have to involve much character development. Or depth. Or plot.
I have rediscovered that I don't do well on dating sites. My picture isn't doctored to make me look like a tan, tall, skinny Barbie-type. Therefore, not a lot of guys message me. I got a bite on Christmas Day, though, by a man twenty years my senior. He could almost be my father. I still think it's creepy. I'm not ready for that age-range yet. He'd have to be STELLAR for me to consider it. And his profile said he might want kids. He'd be almost 80 when his child graduated high school if he fathered one now. I realize that Tony Randall had children late in life, but he's passed away leaving a young wife (50 years younger than him) and two young children behind. That is the risk you take by marrying a much older man.
But I digress. I was the only one of my high school friends to go to college out-of-state. I was told by one of my girlfriends during the summer break after our freshman year that the entire gang (sans myself) had gotten together for dinner one night and the subject turned to me at some point. I guess that the guys in my group of friends shared that they ALL had liked me at one time or another. Every. Single. One. Wait, could that be why I'm facebook friends with all the guys, but not all the girls? Hmmmm.
So, that's why I said in a previous post that it's not beyond the realm of possibility that guys could be in love with me and not even know it. I am the type of girl that guys fall for slowly, incrementally, and mayhaps inevitably. But they have to get to know me, first. Running away or refusing to speak to me will not accomplish that part. But if men don't know about that kind of slow-burn love, how would they even know they were experiencing it until it was too late and I was already out of their lives? Would they consider me a possibility to date if there was no immediate spark? Will one of them take the necessary time to woo me until he finally realizes that he couldn't live without me?
I don't know. But I'm sure I'll find out eventually.
Usually hopeful though occasionally frustrated,
Dee
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