I was born boy-crazy. I don't think you can *get* this boy crazy without a wicked head start somewhere, so I'm pretty sure that I was mad for boys BEFORE I was born. And when I was the tiniest child I knew that my chosen career was motherhood, when I wasn't dreaming of being a princess, that is. Everything I did, studied, behaved, etc., was to make me a good mother. I learned how to cook. Found out I could sew but didn't pursue it as other siblings were awesome at it (and you know I don't like to compete). I'm really good with children. I was a certified babysitter, even. I changed diapers and such, you would have loved me watching your kids. My motto was that if I wouldn't be able to tell my kids about it, I didn't want to do it.
I also fell in love very, very easily. The guy didn't even have to love me back. Just a kind word every three months or so was enough to give me hope. Poor, poor, Dee. How I would love to travel back in time and tell my love-struck self: work on other things, it will happen when it happens, going all gooey over boys who aren't interested in you only drives them further and farther away. After failing to get men to love me numerous times, I finally figured out that I'd trained so hard at being a mom that I hadn't done anything on learning how to be a good girlfriend...which is usually a gateway to wife-hood, which is my preferred step to motherhood.
Part of the problem of being a hopeless romantic is that:
a) you hear stories about how others get together and you think it's going to happen the exact same way for you
b) you read romances and think that love happens the way it does on the pages
c) you believe Hollywood about soul mates and happily-ever-afters and finding "the one"
It's all bunk! Every single last bit! Your "love" story is not based on anyone else's experience. I had to stop reading romances so my expectations could come back down to normal levels. I have to be in the mood to watch romantic movies now because usually I just roll my eyes.
Here's my problem: the way I loved boys when I was 19 is not the way I love men 20-some-odd years later. When I was too young to know better (what, 12?) I worshipped "Somewhere In Time." It was sooooo romantic <cue the gushy happy sigh>. He went back in time for her after she'd found him. Okay, so when I hit my later teens I realized that the watch never existed as it never had a creation point. Perhaps if he'd made a replica and went back in time with it, it would have worked. But I digress. NOW, I can't stomach the story at all. She had a successful career and threw it all away for a guy she knew for a week WHO DISAPPEARED IN FRONT OF HER?!?!?! Well, she's crazy. Certifiable. She probably would have needed years of therapy. Why, after he disappeared, didn't she eventually pick herself up and, if not go back to the stage, find a nice man to settle down with? It's not as if she wasn't gorgeous. So the story doesn't work for this woman who is living on her own and is now older than Jane Seymour's character would have been.
And now for a tiny bit of criticism for "He's Just Not That Into You." I didn't read the book, so this opinion is purely based on the movie. I thought the ending was inauthentic to the message the movie portrayed throughout its entirety and they had to go pull out a happy ending from left field. Aren't they still allowing girls to think that every one of them is the exception to the "not being into you?" You gave them hope instead of proper instruction. What the hey? I was disappointed by that resolution. I wanted a little realism to sink into other hopeless romantics' brains to help them with their own recovery. Does the self-help book have a happy ending? Are there guaranteed ways to get a guy to like you? Because I finally decided that if a guy doesn't like me he's not worth my time. Where's *that* movie? The one where the girl has two horrible choices and walks away from both with her dignity intact? It doesn't exist? Pity.
Apparently, some people find it surprising that at my "advanced" age that I still hope to marry for love instead of just companionship. It's true. I'm not interested in marrying just anyone or I would have already done that. If I was so desperate for marriage instead of a proper match, I wouldn't have cared that the only guys that seem to be brave enough to approach me creep me out to no end. One of my sisters thinks I should give those guys a chance. I think if she met these guys she wouldn't want them as a relative. It's sad that my strengths seem to alienate eligible men of my faith. It's also sad that guys outside my faith don't care about my brain and only want something I'm not willing to give.
So, yes, I'm an old-fashioned girl in a modern world who refuses to live with her parents purely because she's unmarried. So if guys think my independence is an indication that I don't need a man, let me be clear: I would love to share my life with the right guy. I would give up my "career" in an instant if the opportunity of raising children became a possibility. Would it be healthy for me to stay helpless in hopes of a man who wouldn't be intimidated by my modicum of success of holding down a job in this economy? Get *that* guy a reality check. Also, I have slowly gained weight over the years and am not as slender as I used to be. I understand that this makes me less desirable even to guys who are also overweight.
Are there no men of faith who don't mind brainy chicks with geekish tendencies who happen to be really curvy?
If there aren't then my last romantic desire will be shattered and that will be that. Don't make me into a Pandora who lets all hope go. Even though I am not interested in manufactured fictional love, I do have a plaque in my apartment that states "It's never too late to live happily ever after." So, there's still some romance in me, it just no longer drives me to seek out men and chase them. But I *am* ready to be sought after....
No comments:
Post a Comment