I admit, freely, that women are ultra-complicated. None of us think exactly alike and we all have different motivations for why we do what we do. This makes it hard to generalize that "all women" do this, that, or the other. Gross generalizations about the female psyche aren't true, which is why categorizing women as a whole is nigh to impossible. Your best bet is to try to understand one woman at a time. Also, never assume that any woman is exactly like one you've known before; because it really isn't true and is rather unfair to the current woman you're assuming things about.
I try to be as honest as possible and say what I think and try to say what I mean, though that's really hard sometimes. However, because women have gotten a stereotype over the years of NOT saying what they think, people tend not to believe me. When I say that I'd rather not be group leader, I didn't mean "I'm only saying that I don't want to be the leader because I really want you to show that you like me by picking me, despite my protests." What I meant was "People often choose me to be the leader because I'm good at presenting, but I always tend to be the leader and I'm weary of it and it's someone else's turn."
So I have the impression that I'm simple. But I'm not. I'm sure I'm complicated to others because my motivations are not the same as theirs. So, I've concluded that men think they're simple, but they are also ultra-complicated because their motivations are different from mine. If I flirt, I wouldn't mind being asked out, even if I didn't think it was going to go anywhere. If I avoid you like the plague, I'm not interested. Yet, I've had a few guys happily flirt with me (because, face it, it's fun) that had no intention of ever asking me out. I have also been mistaken (sadly, more than once) when I thought I was on a date, but apparently a guy can ask you out, pick you up, take you to dinner, and pay for you both without considering it a date. What are their criteria based on? I had one guy tell me it was all about his intention whether it was or wasn't a date. Um, could you clue me in and all the other girls you also weren't dating that you weren't dating them? Thank you muchly.
Perhaps I will have to ask next time I'm invited to a dinner for two whether I'm being asked on a date. Do you think that would go over well? I would LOVE for a definitive way to tell if a guy is interested or not. Apparently, "not my Mr. Darcy" doesn't go for women who look like me. So, again, why does he stare? I will do my best to sit where he can't see me, because, really.
Here's my question: can a guy be attracted to a girl they don't usually go for, but, because society says they shouldn't be, they don't realize they are? Anyone follow that logic? I am not a cookie-cutter female. If my hair color isn't "right," when so many blondes come from a bottle, why does hair color even matter? I get the weight thing, I do, but when did thinness become necessary criteria for wife- and motherhood? Women's bodies change and pregnancy usually causes weight gain, so requiring thinness seems shallow, especially when the guy is also physically unfit.
What I would like, but may be a rare find, is a guy whose motivations are more like mine. One who says what he thinks and tries to mean what he says. So flirting would be an indication of interest and asking me out would be even more proof of interest. I think that's the way dating used to be, but maybe that was only in black & white movies, and definitely not so in today's modern, highly confusing and difficult to navigate society.
Another issue I have is that I'm clueless when it comes to boys. Again, because I attempt say what I mean, it's hard for me to discern that you want to put your arm around me when you ask me if I'm cold. To me, you're actually asking if I'm cold. I'd prefer you just put your arm around me. If I don't want you to, believe me, you'll know. I don't know how to play the dating game because none of those coy rules make any sense. Hmmm. Perhaps that's reason 435 of why I'm still single: can't make sense of typical human dating rituals. Would someone please make a proper dating manual that has translations in it? Then I could study entries like these:
"Are you cold?" Translation: I would like to put my arm around you, but I'm too nervous and/or scared to ask you directly, so I'm using this roundabout way for permission in case you say "no" and I can then shrug it off as no big deal.
"I wonder if she'll kiss me at the end of the night." Translation: I'm asking in third person and phrasing it like a joke because I'm nervous and/or scared because I want to kiss you, but I also want to find out if you would like to kiss me, too.
"Have a nice life." Translation: I'm being honest and not stringing you along by saying I'll call, because I'm really not interested and I don't want to lie. Please lose my number as I've have already forgotten yours.
"I'll call you." Translation: I won't call; I just don't want to hurt your feelings right now when you're in front of me, even though, for some reason, I can tell that you're hurt as if you know this is code for "I'm not really going to call."
"Can I get your phone number?" Translation: I'm actually interested in your roommate, but as you are less intimidating I'm going to eventually hurt you by making you believe I'm going to ask you out, but I will ask for someone else when I call. Not you.
"I'm only dating you." Translation: I'm tired of you asking about all the other girls I am deceiving that I go on non-date dates with and so I'm being honest, for the hour during this conversation, that truly, the only girl I'm dating at this moment is you...until tomorrow, and then I will just be dating that girl. Until you and I have another date, and then I'm only dating you non-concurrently as there's no second girl on that date....
I would so buy that book!
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