Consequences

Every choice we make affects someone or something else. I want you to know that you are never choosing just for you. Ever. And we choose so many times in a day. The "Butterfly Effect" does, in fact, apply to us, but *we're* not a butterfly flapping it's wings which might eventually lead to a massive storm halfway across the world. Our actions and choices usually have a more immediate effect.

It is true that we cannot always choose what happens to us (though sometimes we're in denial that it was our choices that may have gotten us in that position), but you can ALWAYS choose how you react or, better yet, act in those situations. Happiness can be a choice before it leads to a state of being. Lying can be a habit (which should be broken immediately - nothing good ever comes from deceit). But do you know what's the best thing you can do for everyone, even if it doesn't seem like it: taking responsibility for your actions/choices/attitude/whatever it is.

I find it interesting that around the same time that I lost my patience with my coworker's behavior was right around the time that my company also lost patience. I did my best to keep my ranting away from work so I wouldn't affect how I did my job. I also got the message that even if she was treating me in a horrible fashion, I should still be nice and kind and try to remember that God loves her, too. That was hard. Really difficult. But our last two working days together were the best we'd had in awhile. And then she was gone.

It had to be done, even though our company knew letting her go would affect her life adversely, as well as the efficiency of our office. But keeping her would have affected even more people in a negative manner. Some people at work seem to assume that I'm glad that she's gone and that I'm ecstatic or something, but it's not true. Yes, I'm relieved and my mood is lighter, but I also feel guilt. Guilt that I could have done better in my handling of the situation and guilt that I'm relieved at her absence. I also feel sadness for her. I know she's going to be struggling.

Never taking responsibility for anything was a major problem. I missed the blowup and blowout as I was sick at home that day. So I've only heard that she accused me of extremely bad behavior in a last-ditch effort *after* being terminated. I am not surprised. And I am glad that no one believed her.

I used to be more like her than I want to admit. True, I was much younger (think early to middling school years), but I did see myself in her. It was a version of myself that I'm trying hard not to resemble anymore. So, don't think I didn't have empathy and sympathy for her. I guess you could say that I was like that until I finally became self-aware. That I realized that being proud and snotty was the real reason that I couldn't keep a friend for longer than one school year and why I no longer had any friends at church. I shudder when I think back to those days when I was horrible. And the realization that *I* was the reason behind my own unhappiness and misery was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I do remember that it was during high school that I starting analyzing who I was and why I did things or even wanted to do things. I would compare that to what I wanted to do and be. And then I knew I had to change. It has been a long, hard road to get to where I am now and there's lots more road for me to work down. I did have a slip-up about eight years ago when I let the difficulties of my home life (at the time) dictate my very poor behavior and short fuse at work. I am grateful that they didn't fire me at that time. And working with this girl gave me a glimpse of what my coworkers dealt with all those years ago. But it worked out differently for me. Partly because I had been kinder before, partly because I moved myself out of the bad roommate issue, and lastly because they changed who I worked with. It gave me a fresh start to prove myself anew. And *that* is why no one believed her now.

I hope that she will finally become self-aware. That she learns that her behavior and attitude are a major part of her own issues both personal and professional. That she will strive and succeed at changing herself. And, finally, that she will own the consequences of her behavior and not try to shift it to anyone else ever again. I'm keeping her in my prayers for now.